How Far Is Too Far With The Opposite Sex?

2 Timothy 2:22; I Corinthians 6:18; I Thessalonians 5:22

Adam and Julie were friends. They went to class together, left class together, read together and even ate together most of the time. Wherever you see one of them, the other wasn’t far behind. When people asked them if they were dating, their response was negative.

‘We are just besties,’ they often said. However, not long afterwards, Julie became pregnant in school and everyone knew that Adam was the father because they had gone too far in their friendship with one another.

Are you an Adam who has a Julie in your life? Or are you a Julie who has a male bestie you do everything with? Probably, you have been deceived by popular media that says, “having a bestie of the opposite sex will help you know who to date and who not to date because you would have been trained by your bestie.”

While there is nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex, God’s instruction to us in 2 Timothy 2:22 is to flee youthful lusts. The only way to avoid sexual immorality is to flee lusts and every appearance of evil. Adam and Julie’s sexual temptations did not happen in one day; it happened over time through their actions and reactions.

This article will help you not to become like Adam and Julie. It will help you understand how far is too far with friends of the opposite sex. These tips below will help you know how to interact with friends of the opposite sex in order to avoid sexual lusts.

1. Know your triggers and that of your friend: Everyone has triggers that activate their sexual desires. Knowing your triggers and that of your friend will help you not to act on them. Examples of sexual triggers include compliments, hugs, being alone at night with the opposite sex, seeing a guy without a shirt on, massages, grief, watching romantic movies and certain music. You know your friend’s sexual triggers when they act very excited about certain things that you do. When you see them overly excited and touchy, refrain from those actions that activated the triggers.
2. Don’t communicate at night: As I stated above, it is okay to have opposite sex friendships; however, there should be stipulated boundaries. These boundaries should also reflect in your communication. Talking to a friend of the opposite sex all the time; after school hours or at night can lead to sexual temptation. If you saw the person during the day, there is no need to call the person at night to check on the person. You can wait till the next day to see the person at school.
3. Avoid meeting with the opposite sex in a private place: Keep your interactions with the opposite sex as public as possible. Avoid meeting with the opposite sex in private or enclosed place. Public places include restaurants, parks, classrooms or the church hall after service. Private places to be avoided include your rooms, lonely walkways and so on. This will help you avoid sexual lusts because sin only thrives in secrecy.
4. Be careful not to share your deep secrets with your friend of the opposite sex: You should only share deep secrets with someone whom you want to give a unique shared experience of your life with. Sharing secrets have the psychological impact of endearing you to someone. It’s a psychological tool of making someone interested in you. This has been confirmed by several research studies on the psychological impact of sharing secrets. Sharing secrets enables closeness between the involved parties. Besides your pastors and significant other, you should not share deep secrets with friends of the opposite sex.
5. Don’t say, “I love you.” The most misinterpreted sentence is, “I love you”, and it is important you steer clear of it when dealing with opposite sex friendships. Instead, you should say, “I like your hair-do,” “I like your shoes” etc. This is because saying, “I love you” might overwhelm your friend and make him/her go into a frenzy of what you mean and where your friendship is heading to. Hence, you might subconsciously start what you do not intend to finish. In such instance, this can lead to an abrupt end of your friendship, and this often comes with heartbreak. Therefore, as much as possible, avoid telling each other, “I love you.”

Even when you think you are doing okay in your opposite sex friendships, it is not totally about you. You might be unconsciously sending the wrong signals to your other friend. While attention and affection are things ladies respond to, respect and admiration are things that matter to guys. It is, therefore, necessary to apply extra caution in your opposite sex friendships so that your good will not be evil spoken of. (Romans 14:16). Let your friendships with the opposite sex be transparent and ensure that you put the necessary boundaries in place to avoid stories that touch.