Everyone, except Marcy, has a boyfriend. She is fifteen, and all her friends have a boy to call their own. Some of them started dating at eleven years of age, and have even had two to three boyfriends. Whenever her friends go out with their dates and come back with juicy stories of exotic fun moments, Marcy imagines what it would be like to have a date. Even though Marcy’s parents have had several discussions with her about the need to reserve her affections and attentions for the right person who will not waste or trample on them, she often wonders whether she is not missing out on something.
Before you roll your eyes and grumble about all these anti-dating kill-joy articles, let me tell you another story. This story happened in the Bible. A prophet, Samuel, had just received instructions from God to take his horn of oil to Bethlehem. Before this time, Samuel had spent a long time weeping because he poured his oil of Kingship on a man, Saul, who had wasted the oil in rebellion and disobedience. After a long time of weeping, God told him to go to a man’s house, Jesse, to anoint one of his sons to replace Saul.
When Samuel got there, he saw seven handsome sons of Jesse. As he wanted to pour his oil on the first son, Eliab, God stopped him. The same thing happened when he wanted to pour the oil on Shammah, the second son, and on all the other seven sons. Do you want to know why? Because God knew that these men would waste the oil like Saul. He knew that they didn’t have the characteristics He wanted in a king, and He didn’t want Samuel to pour his precious oil on people that would not value it. God didn’t allow Samuel to pour the oil until the right man, David, arrived. (1 Samuel 15)
You must be wondering why I shared this story. Your emotions are like Samuel’s precious oil. If you open your bottle of oil too soon and pour your oil on the wrong person/people, it will cost you a lot.
WHAT IS DATING?
Dating is a stage of a romantic relationship whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a future intimate relationship. (Wikipedia). Although dating has no basis in scripture, it should be treated as the step you take before marriage. This means you should never be in a relationship with someone you don’t intend to marry. As a teenager, it is wise for you to have good and quality friends. You can also maximize and enjoy your friendships without the added sense of ownership and responsibilities that come with dating.
WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DATE AS A TEENAGER
- Dating gives you a sense of courtship, and this attracts the feeling to have sex, kissing, etc.
- To avoid wasting the oil of your emotions when you open it too early, maximize your teenage years to make good friends.
- Dating can put you in the bondage of not being able to mix up with other excellent minds because the person you’re dating will get jealous. It can narrow your circle of friends and make you keep friends that are not healthy for you.
- Dating can affect your academics because the time you should spend studying will be divided between your academics and your date. According to research done by the University of Georgia, it was discovered that ‘adolescents who were not in romantic relationships during middle and high school had good social skills and low depression, and fared better or equal to peers who dated.’
- Dating puts you under avoidable pressures. When you are in a romantic relationship, you often want to prove that you like the person by getting him/her gifts or even doing what he/she demands whether it is godly or not. You are still too young to be nursing heartbreaks and such heartbreak might make you go on a revenge mission to prove a point to the boy/girl that dumped you.
- It exposes you to the risks of getting into a relationship with someone with a different value system. You might have taken the purity pledge, and decided to keep your body until you get married. When you start dating as a teenager, you are more susceptible to deviate from your pledge if your date has an opposing value system.
WHAT TO DO AS A TEENAGER
You only have seven years to be a teenager, and a lot can go wrong within this time frame if you make the wrong decisions. Instead of breaking the seal of your affections and pouring them out in this season, I advise that you do the following:
- Cultivate your relationship with God: Using your teenage season to know God is one of the greatest investments you can make. It is better to waste your emotions on God first because He alone knows what is good for you. Develop your relationship with God first and afterwards, you can consider dating. When you put God first, He leads you along the best pathway for your life when it is time to get into a relationship. (Psalm 32:8)
- Get your life together first: Invest a lot in personal development as a teenager. Plan to be successful. The journey ahead is far, and it is wise to use this season to gather victual for the journey. Don’t waste precious time mending a broken heart when you should be setting great goals for the future and working towards their achievement. Getting your priorities right is mandatory as a teenager. Concentrate on your walk with God and your academics. Put the first things first! Focus!
- Know who you are and what you want for the future: Do you know who you are? Your teenage years are the time to travel on the adventure of self-discovery. Have you realized what God created you for? Pick a book and pen, and write down your picture for the future. Spend time in God’s presence and read good books that can help you. Write out your whys and the things that motivate you. Many teenagers are square holes, and because they don’t take out quality time to discover themselves, they keep dating round pegs. They expose themselves to unnecessary heartbreaks because of this.
- Ask yourself questions: What are your intentions? Why do you want someone special in your life? Can the need you want to meet by having a date be met by a friend? Do you want someone to talk to or hang out with? Can’t your buddies meet this need?
- Set godly boundaries: If, for any reason, you must date someone because you are certain about the guy/lady and you are sure they feature in your future, then, keep it holy! If you must date as a teenager, set lots of healthy and godly boundaries. It is not advisable; though in rare cases, God might lead you to your spouse-to-be early. Even with your friends, make sure you set healthy boundaries so that you don’t get emotionally hurt and damaged. Not everything is permissible because you are a teenager.
‘You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.’ 1 Corinthians 10:23 NLT
- Pray without ceasing: Invest lots of prayers into your future as a teenager. What you don’t save, you can’t withdraw. Pray, pray again and pray some more about anything and everything in this season. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
- Obey your parents and guardians: If your parents or guardians do not allow you to date until a certain age, obey them. Don’t play the smart teen on them because when things backfire, you will lose the trust they have in you. As long as you are still under them, honour and obey them. Their consent is VERY CRUCIAL even if they are unbelievers.
- Be accountable: Whether you date or don’t date as a teenager, it is important to be accountable to your peers and someone older than you. You need someone to watch your back and hold your hands at certain junctions of life. Don’t face those giants of emotional rollercoasters alone. Involve trusted and trustworthy people. You can also involve your youth and church pastors.
- Stand Out: You don’t have to be like everyone. Like Marcy, you might be struggling with FOMO (the fear of missing out). That fear is a lie! Own your teenage years, and invest the right seeds towards the future. Don’t try to be like others and lose yourself in the process. You don’t need to have a date because all your friends have one. Don’t be conformed to this world. Stand out! (Romans 12:2)
In conclusion, you can only become a teenager once, and your choices and decisions as a teen will determine to a large extent how your life will play out. Don’t sow seeds of regret towards the future. Make the right decisions daily, and allow God to help you make the right choice as He helped Samuel. Your emotions are too precious to be wasted on the wrong person, and you can’t properly discern wrong people when you don’t invest in yourself to become the right and correct person. Be wise!